Mad World
by kiitykat214
Summary: she was the only one that could see right through the mask I wore to the real me. Instead of the other way around like everyone else. But she's gone now so I guess that doesn't really matter now, nothing really matters now. Letter from Alek to Jasmine


Songfic to Mad world by Gary Jules, song lyrics and characters aren't mine, just the ideas :)

All around me are familiar faces  
>Worn out places, worn out faces<br>Bright and early for the daily races  
>Going nowhere, going nowhere<p>

San Francisco is a beautiful city, isn't it? But there was something about San Francisco in the early hours of the morning when the sun was just starting to peak up above the water and shine on the streets, it's an odd period of time, one I quite enjoy, or used to anyways, when only a select few where out, some having just gone home for the day, and others just waking up preparing for the busy day ahead of them. It was kind of an in-between time and there was nothing I used to enjoy more than sitting out on a park bench and watching as the last of the suns golden rays lit up the sky, and how the world around me transformed as it all woke up, all around me were familiar faces I would see them everyday, walking down the same street doing the same things, their worn out faces walking in worn out place, they were up and early for their daily jobs, racing around trying to be there on time, but in the end going nowhere. When I was younger I laughed at them, how foolish it seemed then, to run around doing things that you clearly didn't enjoy, when it didn't benefit you at all in the end. Sitting here now, I wonder when I became one of them, one of the worn out faces, probably after she left, everything happened after she left.

Their tears are filling up their glasses  
>No expression, no expression<br>Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow  
>No tomorrow, no tomorrow<p>

I wonder if they cry at night like I do, probably, I bet their lives just as fucked up as mine is in their own ways. We all walk around wearing masks, hiding our true feelings, wearing no expression at all because we've all learned the same lesson, taught through different methods of heartbreak, but the same lesson all the same, showing emotion is a weakness. I realise now that I'm crying something I hadn't done since my parents died, but something I find myself doing increasingly since I met her, well really since I lost her. I hide my head burying it in my hands and hiding the tears from anyone looking on because even if all I want to do is drown my sorrow, I can't even do that openly, because showing emotion is showing weakness. But I guess it doesn't really matter anyways, theres no tomorrow, not for me at least, not now that she's gone, never when she's gone.

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad  
>The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had<br>I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take

I find it kind of funny and I find it kind of sad, but that's no surprise, every thing's funny these days, but instead of the joyful humour it used to be now its a melancholy humor caused from resignation to my fate, to our fate, I guess there is no "our fate" anymore though, it's a little hard to have an "ours" when we're missing a "her". The sad thing though is when I go to sleep at night and dream they're always about her, but it's not the ones where we live happily eve rafter that are the best, it's the ones where I die along side her, because in the morning when I wake up from dreams involving my happily ever after my heart breaks all over again because I can never have my happily ever after not without her, never without her. And I find it hard to tell you this which is funny really because pretty soon it won't matter anymore, but as had as it is for me to tell you this, it's harder to take, so hard, that I can't anymore and for that I'm sorry.

When people run in circles its a very, very  
>Mad world, mad world<p>

Children waiting for the day they feel good  
>Happy birthday, happy birthday<br>And I feel the way that every child should  
>Sit and listen, sit and listen<p>

Sitting here writing this, I can see a child's birthday party going on, and I can remember being a child and waiting, just waiting till the day that I would feel good too. I feel that way now, it's an awkward feeling, probably because I haven't felt it in so long, but now, knowing it's almost over, I feel the way that every child should, good. And I can't help but to prolong this just a little longer so that I can sit and listen.

Went to school and I was very nervous  
>No one knew me, no one knew me<br>Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?  
>Look right through me, look right through me<p>

I remember moving here, and how terrified I was of going to school here, whether I showed it or not I was never really the bravest person out there, but going to a new school, with new people where no one knew me was one of the scariest things I had ever had to do, at least it was at the time. And in the end I had nothing to worry about everyone loved me or they loved the person they thought I was, the person they wanted me to be, the hot cool British boy. Everyone but her, she hated me and that was probably what I loved most about her, she was the only one that could see right through the mask I wore to the real me. Instead of the other way around like everyone else. But she's gone now so I guess that doesn't really matter now, nothing really matters now.  
>And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad<br>The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had  
>I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take<br>When people run in circles its a very, very  
>Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world<br>Mad world

And I know you weren't expecting this you were never the best at seeing through my mask either, it probably didn't help that I worked harder to keep you out after she died, but this is what I have to do, after all they say dreams are the key to your deepest desires, and the only good ones I've had in a very long time have been the ones where I'm dying, I can't lie to you, not now, not at the end. I'm selfish. Extremely selfish actually, and that's the real reason I'm doing this, I always went after my deepest desires, and it's been dying for quite a while now. It's a mad world out there Jas. Don't let it get you down, don't be one to run in circles never doing what you really want. Follow your heart. And forgive me.

Love always,

your cousin, your brother, your best friend, Alek

So? what do you think? Please please please review :)


End file.
